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Aeon Flux vs. Batgirl
Æon Flux vs. Batgirl is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features Æon Flux from the animated television series of the same name and Batgirl from DC Comics. Description These are two women who are experts in the field of violence, and when they get together, the sparks fly! Interlude Boomstick: These two women know how to seriously kick some ass, and when their paths cross, it’s going to be a serious battle! Wiz: The first is Æon Flux, a futuristic assassin par excellence. Boomstick: And the second is none other than Gotham’s very own Batgirl. Wiz: I’m Wiz, and he’s Boomstick. Boomstick: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. Æon Flux Wiz: In a dystopian future the world is dominated by two warring nations – Bregna and Monica. Bregna is an Orwellian police state, dominated by the tyrant, Trevor Goodchild. Goodchild has a project to rebuild the human race into something new and better, whether it wants to be or not. Boomstick: On the other side is Monica, a Libertarian nation seeking to undermine Bregna by sending in spies, saboteurs and assassins. And the best of these is a hot brunette by the name of Ai-ee-eye...Ai-ee-eye-oh-you...wait...Ai-ee-in... Wiz: It’s pronounced “Ee-on Flux.” Boomstick: No it isn’t! There’s an “A” in there at the beginning. My first-grade English teacher, Mrs. Hovelmeier, would never pronounce it that way! Wiz: Sigh Nonetheless, that’s how it’s pronounced. Æon Flux is without a doubt the greatest agent that Monica ever produced. She has made numerous incursions into Bregna, and has made herself Bregna’s most feared opponent. Boomstick: Yeah, there’s no stopping this little lady. Heck, she has even been killed on several missions, but she has never let that stop her. Like a bad penny, she just shows up again to bedevil Trevor Goodchild’s details. Wiz: Boomstick. That was clever! Very good! Anyway, Æon has many skills that make her so effective. First of all, she is inhumanly dexterous, able to leap rapidly through a maze of laser beams. She even surfed down a cable, like she was riding a wave. Bookstick: Second, she also has inhumanly fast reactions. She can dodge bullets fired at her by ten soldiers armed with machine guns, can instantly catch herself with one foot when a rope she is dangling from is cut, and can catch herself after a flying leap and landing horizontal just inches above the ground. Heck, she even caught a fly with her eyelashes…that was pretty weird. Wiz: Thirdly, Æon is an expert marksman. She was able to kill multiple targets, while running, killing each one with one shot. She air around her was filled with falling bodies. Boomstick: Fourthly, she is a martial arts expert, able to take out multiple soldiers with her bare hands. That’s it, right? Wiz: Not even close. Æon also has numerous gadgets that she can use, including acid bullets, a grapple attachment to her gun, spider robots, climbing claws, and much more. And some of these gadgets are built in, like an eye that can work as a microscope. Boomstick: And, fifthly…or, sixly, or whatever, she’s a babe. If she can’t fight her way out of a situation, she can charm her way out of it. Looking at that booty in that thong, no man would want to shoot at her. Not with a gun, anyway. Wiz: Boomstick! Batgirl Wiz: Batman is not just the bane of all villains, he’s a hero to millions of young people everywhere, and one of his biggest fans was Barbara Gordon, niece of Gotham City Police Commissioner James Gordon. Boomstick: But, Barbara decided to become more than just a cosplay fangirl, she decided that she would help Batman fight crime in Gotham by becoming a superhero herself. So, she became Batgirl. Wiz: Batman more or less adopted Batgirl as she was, allowing her to keep her identity a secret, even from him. He trained her, and helped equip her so that she could fight crime successfully. And, she was successful. Boomstick: Yeah, she was successful, until the Joker decided to strike at Batman through Jim Gordon. And, he struck at Jim through Barbara. Wiz: Catching Barbara Gordon by surprise, the Joker shot her in the abdomen, stripped her naked, and… Boomstick: NEW SUBJECT! How about those Cubs, eh? Wiz: Anyway, the whole experience left Barbara paralyzed from the waist down, but determined to continue the fight against crime. Boomstick: So, Batman put Barbara to work as Oracle, his personal communication and research guru. Wiz: However, while Barbara might be down, she would never be out. And so, when some experimental surgery gave her back the use of her legs, Barbara redonned her Batgirl suit, and set off to kick some butt. Boomstick: Still somewhat rusty from forced retirement, she nonetheless is working herself back into shape, and does not shy away from a fight. Wiz: Batgirl is an expert martial artist, trained by one of the best in the business, Batman himself. Boomstick: And, don’t forget her Batsuit. It’s made from a Kevlar weave. It’s light and flexible, and yet provides excellent protection. Wiz: Excellent, but not perfect. The shock plates in the gloves were able to deflect a full-on hit with a metal bar, but Barbara does worry because her suit is not as well-armored as Batman’s, and is not bulletproof. It’s excellent protection, but it’s far from being perfect protection. Boomstick: And, like the Big Man himself, Batgirl carries an array of weapons and tools. She carries small “Razor” batarangs that have sharp edges, heavier “Shock” batarangs that can stun an opponent, and exploding “Concussive” batarangs that function as a sort of flash-bang. Plus, she carries a pair of binoculars, smoke bombs and a grapple gun, which shoots a grappling hook and rope. Wiz: But, as formidable as that sounds, Batgirl’s arsenal is not unlimited. For example, in one encounter, she took stock of her equipment and found out that she was carrying 2 Shock batarangs, one Razor, two Concussives, one smoke bomb, and the grapple gun. Boomstick: So, she’s not a walking Swiss Army knife. But what she is, is an ass-kicking heroine who can punch well beyond her bodyweight. Bookworm beware! I always hated that Bat-villain...never trust a guy that reads. Intermission Wiz: Alright the combatants are set; let’s end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: Its time for a DEATH BATTLE! DEATH BATTLE! Pre-Fight Batgirl yawned and stretched in the early morning light. Her shift was well over, and she needed to get home and into a nice warm bathtub. Suddenly, the sunlight twinkled off something in a half-constructed building below her. Batgirl took out her binoculars, and peered into the skeleton of the building. Inside was a female figure, lying on the floor. The figure was dressed in a strange costume with long boots, and a thong! She looked closer, and realized that the figure was staring down a rifle at the hospital building across the street. The front door of the building opened, and a large man stepped out. Reacting by instinct, Batgirl pulled out a Concussive batarang and flung it at the sniper. * * * Æon Flux had been laying on the rough, concrete floor for an hour, staring down the sights of her weapon. She knew that her target would be emerging from the hospital at any moment. A limousine was already waiting at the curb. She had only one chance at her target, so she had to make it good. Fortunately, at this range, she couldn’t possibly miss. She sang softly to herself, “♪ Will you walk into my parlor said the spider to the fly. ♪” She shifted minutely, her eye never leaving the gunsights. “♪ Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you did spy. ♪” she sang. The door opened, and a large man stepped out. The body guard looked to the left and to the right. “♪ The way into my parlor is up a winding stair. ♪” The guard nodded, and pulled the door wider. Without the slightest tension, Æon focused on the doorway. “♪ And I've a many curious things to show when you are there. ♪” Suddenly, there was a loud thump. Æon looked up at a pile of lumber to her right, and a weird, bat-shaped projectile was now sticking out of it. A red light blinked rapidly at its center, its speed accelerating. Seemingly without leaving her prone position, Æon leaped forward. * * * Peering down at her target, Batgirl saw the woman leap a mere second before the Concussive exploded. She flew over the edge of the unfinished floor and disappeared. Batgirl drew her grapple gun, and fired the hook at a beam higher up in the building. She swung down. She landed near where the assassin had been, and instinctively reloaded the grapple gun. Batman had always drummed into her the necessity to always be ready for more action. She looked at the rifle and was shocked that it looked like no gun she had ever seen before. She had an eidetic memory, and if she had ever seen a gun that was even similar she would have remembered it. She picked up the gun, and looked for markings on it. * * * Æon Flux hung from the building by her right hand, and drew her other weapon with her left. It was too late. The gorilla-like guard had bodily thrown her target into the limousine, and the vehicle sped off with the sound of squealing tires. Æon growled softly and swang her legs right and then left. She launched herself up and over the edge of the floor, spotted her target, and squeezed off a shot. The bullet took the intruder in the forehead, who threw her arms up into the air, sending Æon’s other weapon flying. Then, she crumpled to the ground like a marionette whose strings had been suddenly cut. * * * Batgirl laid on the floor feeling like someone had hit her in the head with a hammer. She kept her eyes closed and tried to assess the damage, while trying to convince her opponent that she was indeed dead. Her skull felt to be intact, but she was certain that the shock plate on the front of her cowl was broken. There was no way that it would take another bullet, and it might not even defend her from a hand-blow. Her opponent hurried past her. “Damn,” the woman cursed softly, in a rich, contralto voice. Batgirl rolled silently to her right, and prepared to spring. * * * “Damn,” Æon cursed. She propped her gun against a vertical I-beam, and switched her eye to telescopic view. It would have suddenly looked black, if anyone had been in front of her to see it. But it was too late. The limousine skidded around a corner, and was gone. Æon switched back to normal vision, and slumped her head. “You have no idea what you just did,” she complained bitterly to the corpse behind her. Suddenly, a body slammed into her, making her drop her weapon and stagger away from the beam. She dropped into a low fighting stance, and looked at her no-longer-dead opponent. She instantly assessed her target. Her suit was obviously armored, but not too strongly. Her bullet had failed to penetrate the forehead of the cap, which was surprising, but it had done some work. Blood trickled down, past the woman’s eye, nose and mouth. “No, I don’t know what I did, but I know what I am about to do...kick your ass!” the woman snarled. FIGHT! Batgirl ran forward, and launched a series of punches at Æon Flux. She punched left, and then right, pivoted and threw a right elbow at her face. Æon retreated, and Batgirl kicked out with her right leg. Æon blocked the kick and retreated again. “Nice outfit,” Æon said. “A complete triumph of functionality over style.” “It’s the best way to go,” Batgirl responded. “Each time I knock you on your ass, you’re going to loose about two layers of skin off your glutes.” Batgirl closed with her opponent, using fists and knees in a non-stop series of attacks. She could tell that Æon was holding back, gauging Batgirl’s fighting skills, exactly the way that Batgirl was gauging hers. Æon Flux laughed musically, and moved back and to her left, steering clear of the edge of the floor. “I’ve been on my ass more times than I can count,” she said smiling. “You should try it some time.” She winked at the girl. Suddenly, Æon shot forward, punching Batgirl’s stomach once and then twice. Yes, the suit was armored across all of the vital spots. She grabbed the girl’s head, and dropped into a roll, pulling her opponent over into a flip. She leapt to her feet. Batgirl rolled with the force of the throw, and rolled back to a standing position. She dropped into her fighting stance, and prepared for the next round. Her opponent moved like lightning, and used unconventional moves. Even her stance was strange. She had to beware of this one. Any slip up would probably be her last. Batgirl stepped forward, and dropped into a low roundhouse kick, designed to take Æon’s legs out from under her. Instead, the woman did a backward handspring, and then another, and landed on her feet, instantly returning to her low fighting stance. Batgirl reached into her belt and drew two Razors. She launched them at her opponent, and then charged forward. She was not surprised when Æon dodged the Razors, She closed in, feinted with her left, and punched out with her right. She felt distinct sense of triumph when the blow connected, knocking the air out of the woman’s lungs. She sidestepped the woman, and grabbed her, throwing her across her hip, and across the floor. Æon Flux rolled with the throw, and was halfway up when she spotted more of the weird bat-shaped projectiles coming at her. She leaped into the air, and spun, the projectiles passing harmlessly above and below her body. Batgirl was on top of Æon by the time she landed on the floor again. She kicked out with her right foot, catching the woman in the stomach, and then kicked out with her left, catching the woman in the chin, and throwing her backward. Again, Æon took the force of her movement, and turned it to her own advantage. She flipped back onto her hands, and then back again onto her feet. She dropped into her fighting stance, reached up, and wiped some blood from the corner of her mouth. “You’re better than you look,” she said. “But that costume is too heavy. It slows you down. It’ll get you killed one day.” “Thanks,” Batgirl answered dryly. “But, it already saved my life once today. And I’m plenty fast enough to deal with you.” Æon smiled and said, “Is that a fact? Catch me if you can!” Then, she turned, and ran towards a corner of the building. Batgirl took off in pursuit, and was surprised when, instead of leaping off of the building as she expected, the woman leaped into the air, ran up a corner I-beam for a few steps, and then turned and leaped onto a cross-beam. She smiled down at Batgirl, and then turned and began to walk along it. Batgirl drew her grapple gun again, and fired it up to a high beam. When it caught, she used it to lift herself onto the same level as the woman, and ran off in pursuit. Æon Flux turned, and confronted the girl. The two fired punches at each other, which the other blocked and then replied to. Batgirl kicked low, and then stood and kicked high. Æon again leaped backward, did a handspring off of the beam, and continued backward. Moving like a super-gymnast, the woman landed feet-first against an upright beam, and kicked off of it, catapulting herself over Batgirl’s head and back onto the I-beam Batgirl was appalled at the seeming ease of the movement, but did not allow herself the luxury of stopping. She quickly drew a heavier Shock batarang, and flung it at the woman. As soon as it left her hand, she immediately charged forward. Æon leaped away from the batarang and grabbed onto the rope that Batgirl had left hanging. She swung to an upright beam, and kicked off of it. She caromed into the girl, and wrapped her legs around her, pulling her off of the beam and into the air with her. Æon quickly wrapped the rope around the surprised girl’s neck, as the swing brought them back to the cross-beam. Touching one foot to the beam, Æon released the girl and dropped. A mere three feet lower, she grabbed back onto her again. There was a sickening snapping noise, and then she let go again. Æon somersaulted through the air, and landed on the floor below. She looked up, and her opponent dangled from the rope above her. She sighed. “I told you that that costume would get you killed.” Æon Flux ran around the floor collecting her weapons, and then she ran to the edge of the floor and leaped off, heading towards an uncertain future. KO! In the early morning sunshine, Commissioner Gordon watch silently as Batman reverently lowered Batgirl’s body. The bat would soon work his magic on the crime scene, and no doubt figure out who the perpetrator was. He didn’t want to be in that guy’s shoes. Worse, someone was going to have to inform Batgirl’s next-of-kin. Jim hoped he wasn’t around for that. Results Boomstick: Youch! Strung up like a Christmas goose! Wiz: There is no doubt that Batgirl was a formidable opponent. However, in spite of her training by a master, she was still only a normal woman. Æon Flux, on the other hand, possesses a speed and dexterity that is definitely super-human. Boomstick: Once, when Ms. Flux was being pursued by a group of Breg...nan(Bregnan?) soldiers, she was able to dodge their combined automatic rifle fire, and the shoot them all dead, while hanging from a rope. Wiz: And when the rope was cut by a stray bullet, she instantly used her foot to grab a nearby railing before she could even fall an inch. Boomstick: Batgirl could just not move fast enough to keep up with all of her opponent’s attacks. And in the end she was let down...all the way down. Wiz: The winner is Æon Flux! Cameo Appearances * Batman * James Gordon Next Time Next time on Death Battle! we bring together two villains…er, two rather incompetent villains, and see if they can even be successful against each other. It’s Dan Backslide vs. Snidely Whiplash in a battle to the finish! Trivia * The Batgirl used in this Death Battle is drawn primarily from the New 52 series of comic books. 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